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Cover Band

by Scott Stutzman

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1.
When I see a scrub here's what I do. I pinch my nose and hold my breath, peeyew! The smell those rascals make is way more than I can take, so I punch them in the gut and say adieu. A scrub is such a yucky human bein' you'll lose your appetite right when you see him. A scrub once caught my eye and said good day as he walked by. I promptly sprayed my lunch upon the linoleum. Don't want no scrubs, don't want no scrubs. Don't want no scrubs, no sir. Don't think I'm being harsh, their brains are not as big as ours. That's why we oughta make them go to separate schools. If you ever chance to meet a scrub or two, be careful since they're less evolved than you. Our scientists are sure that scrubs are just inferior and all agree they should be locked up in a zoo. I hopped a train to visit the PM. I got off at Downing Street and said to him, I said, these scrubs have got me sore and every day there's fifty more. He said, that's why I plan to limit immigration. Don't want no scrubs, don't want no scrubs. Don't want no scrubs, no sir. Each time I see a scrub it gets my heart so riled up that I wanna smash the windows of their businesses. If you're a scrub, consider yourself warned, for tonight begins an unrelenting storm. We'll purify the earth and banish thee below the dirt just as Our Father did four thousand years before. Your judgment will be on the global stage and not a single hand of protest shall be raised. And quickly we'll erase the last vestiges of your race until each memory is swallowed up in flames. Don't want no scrubs, don't want no scrubs. Don't want no scrubs, no sir. As God reversed creation, so shall we reclaim the earth and stoke our furnaces with the wicked and filthy; and lo shall we cast the mold in our own terrible and righteous visage.
2.
Wel, my name's Jack White, and-a how do ya' do? I play rock and roll until the night is through. I'm a pretty cool dude with a pretty sweet life. When I'm not making music I'm-a smooching my wife. My name's Meg. I play the drums. Drums drums drums. Drums drums drums. Meg Meg Meg. I play drums. Meg Meg Meg. Here I come. We're a pinch of blues and a dash of soul. I bring the rock and she brings the rolls. Not literally, but as a metaphor, 'cause we're the White Stripes. White Stripes. I don't smoke grass and I don't drink hooch. All I ever do is give my wife a smooch. I smooch her on the lips and I smooch her on the face. I smooch her all day all over the place. My name is Meg and Jack smooches me. I ask him to stop but he keeps smooching me. He smooches with his tongue, and that's not fun. Also, I brought rolls. That wasn't a metaphor. Yeah we rock all night 'til the daylight comes. I play the guitar. My name is Meg. We still make vinyls. That means we're cool 'cause we're the White Stripes. White Stripes. I smooch my wife so much, sometimes I wonder how. If I wasn't busy rockin', I'd be smooching her now. I live a simple life and I don't get no confusion. When my lips aren't singing, then you'd better bet they're smoochin'. Please don't smooch me. No more smooching. My skin is chafed from all of the smooching. You smooch me on the foot and I think that's really weird. Please don't smooch me so often, Jack White. Yeah we're rock and roll rebels and we're real hardcore. If we're coming to your town, you've got a treat for sure. We're razzle dazzle rockers with a super duper sound. We're the White Stripes. White Stripes.
3.
Hello there blokes, my name's Adele and there's a pretty sad story that I'd like to tell from when i was a much younger girl and the boy came along that flipped my world. Well I loved this boy from the very start but he ran away and it broke me heart. Well I figured I wan't gonna cry for him, so I pointed my skates towards the river Thames. Yeah, I was rollerskating on a lonely street when I thought skating underwater would be super neat. Now I don't need the meanies living up above 'cause the clear blue water is the home I love. Now I'm Rolling in the deep (she's rolling in the deep) Rolling in the deep (she's rolling in the deep) All my friends now are underneath the drink making fishy faces at the roller rink. Now I'm Rolling in the deep (she's rolling in the deep) Rolling in the deep (she's rolling in the deep) Rolling underwater is the life for me, roller skating all around the deep blue sea. Well I was rollerskating somewhere just the other day when a friendly old mackerel started swimming my way. I said 'ello my scaly chum are you here to enjoy the underwater sun? He said hello Adele, you're looking swell. Would have tea with me in the giant clam shell? Well I said yes sir and i shook his fin and the giant clam opened and we both swam in. Well I'm buddies with the barnacles, the starfish are my friends. I'm chummy with all creatures with a dorsal fin. Oh the dolphins are endearing, and the porpoises are pals. Will I roll down here forever? Well indeed I shall. (Please come back, you're going to drown.) I'm a little busy skating to the dogfish pound. (We're not kidding, you're going to drown.) Instead of me coming up, why don't you come down? And you can roll in the deep with me. Yippee! You can roll in the deep with me. Yippee! (We can roll in the deep with you? Woohoo!) (We can roll in the deep with you? Woohoo!) We'll be rolling in the deep, we'll be rolling in the deep we'll be rolling in the deep, we'll be rolling in the deep we'll be rolling in the deep, we'll be rolling in the deep Forever Forever Forever Forever Now we're rolling in the deep. (We're rolling in the deep.) Now we're rolling in the deep. (We're rolling in the deep.) Who needs oxygen when you've got friends? Oh I hope this roller skating party never ends. Now we're rolling in the deep. (We're rolling in the deep.) Now we're rolling in the deep. (We're rolling in the deep.) Skating with the seashells, yeah, I just can't stop. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up.
4.

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An EP of covers performed by Scott Stutzman

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released April 9, 2014

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Scott Stutzman Dallas, Texas

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